Not so normal blog for me (just displaying my heart)

The past few weeks I’ve been having this overwhelming sense of God’s love in my heart. I seriously think I am going to EXPLODE with the love of the Holy Spirit! I can’t explain the feeling exactly, sometimes I just feel like I am FILLED TO THE BRIM and about to blow up like a dynamite stick with the love of Jesus in my heart!!!

I know this sounds extreme, but I thought I would try to put it down into words. Forgive me for the error of just writing....I'm just so captivated right now!!

I think about a few months back, life just took a huge turn. I mean, I've been doing a lot of things I love doing….traveling, speaking Hope from my past, counseling people, helping them find life in God-Freedom, leading worship, hitting the gym, enjoying this Illinois weather (haha), meeting up with great people and spending quality time with my new close Illinois friends. I can honestly say it’s been “good times.” Even my daily devotion with Jesus has been “good” … I literally feel the presence of the Holy Spirit with me everyday. Recently, I was reading through my daily scriptures, and just enjoying God. Yet, for some reason, I got this weird “lonely feeling” during the day for no reason. I couldn’t make sense of it either? I mean, everything around me has been going great, in fact, great is not even the right word… everything has been seriously EXCITING and SUPERNATURAL! I am witnessing miracles daily, prophesying and ministering to people all the time and seeing lives transformed before my eyes. Seeing prayers answered, destiny fulfilled and unbelievable things happening. It’s all wonderful!

But sometimes “good” is the enemy of “best”. Life can be good, but is your life experiencing the BEST? What is that best? Sometimes, when we get so full of blessings, we lose the capacity to be desperate and hungry for God. When things just seem to be going good, that could be a sign that you are more focused on the blessings rather than the BLESSER.

Not sure when it happened, but a few months back I just told Papa-God, “I don’t just want to feel you, enjoy your Word and see you do cool stuff around me all day… I SERIOUSLY WITH EVERYTHING IN ME WANT YOU & ONLY YOU…I want You more than ever and I want to go higher and deeper into the depths of Your eternal love. I don’t want to settle for what I already have, I want more of You. I want more of Your manifest presence. I want Your glory in my life. I want to KNOW YOU MORE.”

This Scripture is the only thing that comes to mind! John 17:3 “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”

Eternal life doesn’t begin later, it begins the moment we are born again in Jesus Christ. From that point on, I believe our purpose in life is to spend every waking moment getting to know this LIFE that is found only in the Person of Jesus. I don’t want to be consumed with all the cool things I can do for God, I want to be consumed with knowing Papa-God more. I mean, like being fascinated with who He is, what He likes, what He dislikes, understanding His personality, gazing into His beauty, feeling His manifest glory and just learning to love being with Him because He is the reason I breathe and live. I'm SO IN LOVE WITH PAPA!!

What better way to live than with God? Seriously, I know this may sound crazy....but He is the ultimate boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, the GREATEST LOVER of all time. Who cares if your single!! I mean, seriously, WE HAVE THE LORD OUR GOD and HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER! When you talk to Jesus He talks back! WT???? Are you kidding me? Think about it for a moment… we can talk to God? Who cares about talking to someone else really, when you can talk to the Creator who created every created being! (not that we can’t experience Jesus when talking to others, but there is a priority in speaking solely to the Lord who then gives us the overflow of His love to engage with others in His strength). When I think about the Lord and all He has done for me, how He is always with me, how He is smiling at me right now, how He loves to love me and gives me the chance to love Him back with all my heart, soul, strength and mind… I sit there stunned at His majesty! He is AWESOME!

Anyways, this post is not going to be coherent, cause I feel like I am going to explode with His love even as I am typing here!!!Anyways...I have recently been fasting, and spending some extended times waiting upon the Lord’s presence, and His glory, anointing, presence, love, whatever you want to call it…. it was Himself…JESUS filled me up and I just sit here and WEEP, and WEEP, and WEEP and WEEEEEEEEEEEEP with tears of JOY!!! And my heart feels this tangible supernatural love that I can’t explain. I feel it right now!! It’s crazy!!! AHHH!!!

You may think I’m crazy, I think I am. I am crazy in love with Jesus, my Daddy & King, my Lover and my Friend! He is my God and OH MY GOD is HE GOD!!

I know it's great that things are going well in my life and that blessings are flowing everywhere. However, At the same time, I have other issues that are not going that great in my life, but somehow I just seem to trust God that it will all work out. I went from almost getting married, to being single, and almost wanting to quit, to not even wanting a girlfriend (and it’s not that I don’t want one) but honestly, when you are seriously madly, deeply in love with Jesus and you constantly take the time out everyday to get FILLED UP WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT and then throughout the day keep walking and talking to this GREAT LOVER and saturate your mind, your will and your ways with His Word, His presence and His glory in all things… the things of this world kind of just fade away. REALLY REALLY...they do.

Now you may say, you are just on a spiritual high right now…well, maybe I am, but it’s not like I went to some conference to get it, or went to some spiritual retreat, had some crazy prophetic encounter, or had some major breakthrough in my life… I just decided one day that I WANTED MORE OF GOD THAN WHAT I ALREADY HAD! and I desire to want Him more each day, more than the day before till the day I die!

Apostle Paul said that his life aim was one thing “That I may know Christ” (Phil 3:10) I can totally imagine that Paul did not die grumpy, bitter, or beat down in his spirit because His spirit was being renewed day by day, closer and closer to Jesus even though His outward man was perishing. That is the way I want to die and go out. When my day ends, I want to die seriously, madly, deeply in love with Jesus.

I have rambled on.....I am seriously just so overtaken by the GREATEST LOVE, and lover of the World! I pray for all those who read this....again, you may think that I am nuts....But I can honestly say....There is no greater depth, than knowing that someone can love you despite all conditions of your life, whether good or bad...JESUS WILL NEVER FAIL!

I love you friends....OH SO MUCH! I wish the same encounter on you! You can have a deeper love...Just ask, and I promise...HE WILL Allow it!

I love you deeply!